Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
