Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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