that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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