I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
