You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
