He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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