he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
