What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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