It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
