Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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