are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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