I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Drunk is not a location!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
