the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
