If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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