What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
