pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
