So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
