sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
