i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This house was built for laser tag.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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