Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
