and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
