I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
