Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
