she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
