Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
