Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Randomize
