So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
