Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My bed smells like the plague
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
