You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
