HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
