i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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