My Higher Power is John Stamos
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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