Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
