i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
