Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
