: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
