Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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