This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
