You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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