Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
