Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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