so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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