Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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