He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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