I'm jealous of your bromance
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
