Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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