had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
