Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
