well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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