My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
